84) McDonald's application from a 17-year-old in Florida...
NAME: Greg Bulmash
SEX. Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice-President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying.
DESIRED SALARY. $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz-style severance package. Or make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD. Target for middle-management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and Post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
ANY PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30pm, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS? Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER? If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR? I think the more appropriate question here would be: "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION? I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE? On the job, no, on my breaks, yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS? Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy, dumb, sexy, blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread . Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE? Yes, absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries
. . . he got the job
The Times 15th Dec 2001 (global villages weekly posting from cyberspace) & Phalford1@aol.com